TOP TEN RECORDS THAT MADE ME CHANGE MY PANTS"






1. RHYTHM MACHINE - PUT A SMILE ON TIME (LULU)
Having grilled numerous 'soul authorities' on this one it seemed that its existence was either a figment of my over-ambitious imagination or that it was 'quite rare'. First heard this down at DF as a 'late doors soulful last half hour spin' courtesy of the Baldy Scot and decided that if the bastard wasn't going to play it every week, I'd have to find my own. It took about 6 months and involved some of the most over-protracted record dealing shenanigans ever to finally get one. Eventually it was secured for a quarter of the price of the LP. It arrived, it was played approximately 12 times on the bounce, and then it was a fresh pair of undies for me, whilst the previous pair were being carted off by the council's 'dangerous waste' department.





2. THE BLACK TRUTH BAND - BUTTER NUT (THE BLACK TRUTH)
Some of you will know the story on this, thanks to what turned out to be yet another worldwide scrap amongst the oddballs of the 'deep funk' community. Here's the story. So its late one night and I'm sat there casually browsing 'the bay'. And I decide to check out the bidding activity of a well known Northern collector. The oldest item he'd gone after was something I'd had in the past so I figured I'd have a look at what it went for. Not a lot as it turned out. So then I have a look at what else the seller is offering and the first four pages are all Country CD's. Just as I was about to give up I hit 'Next Page'. Scrolling down I come to a listing - 'Black Truth Band - Butter Nut'. If my pants weren't in need of changing at that point, they were when I realised it was listed as an 'Other 45'. Once I'd bookmarked the page, memorised the link and gone through every other one of listings for the seller I then proceeded to not sleep for five nights whilst the auction was running. The last 15 minutes were, frankly, terrifying. Someone is bound to have seen it, it'll go sky high, some idiot will place a bid super early and everybody'll be onto it. I must have refreshed the page 30 times and had an equal amount of windows open with gradually higher bids in place. If my PC had crashed at that point it, and me, would probably have gone through the window. If my esnipe had failed you'd be reading about a mad Englishman up in a US court on mass murder charges. As the last second passed I refreshed the page once more and for the princely (and downright rude) sum of $28 the record was mine. It arrived about 10 long days later (having been opened by the UK Customs chaps thanks to the Customs label not being filled in!) and once again, a fresh batch of gents underpants were in order.





3. DAVID ROBINSON - I'M A CARPENTER (ORBITONE)
I'd been after this one for ages and had never seen it even listed before. Having bought a '45 from a well know Funk authority, we then proceeded to exchange wants/trades lists. A year prior to this I'd bought an unplayed 'RDM Band - Butter That Popcorn' from Soul Bowl's weekly list (when it had funk listed) for £100 and over time I'd got bored of it. Luckily the RDM had remained in near perfect condition (despite it being on styrene...mind you, I never played out so there's a lesson there somewhere) and when my man saw it we eventually did a straight swap. Some time later it turned out that my man's pal had turned up multiples on the RDM Band for 'pennies' whilst the Robinson remained a hard (and as subsequent ebay auctions had proven) quite a pricey one. A minty David Robinson in a good deal always inspires a dash to the changing rooms and once again, fresh draws were required upon it's arrival.





4. ERNIE & THE TOP NOTES - DAP WALK (FORDOM)
Ok, so its well known and still attracts a hefty price tag, but at the height of its exposure around the time of its inclusion on the Deep Funk comp, imagine the panic for the phone that morning when the list came through the door with it listed at the princely sum of £30! 'In-demand JB Soundalike' was how it was noted and you could almost hear the nationwide scramble for a copy at 7:30am. I remember running to the nearest phone box that morning and constantly hitting 're-dial' as the phone was off the hook until 8:15. Upon finally getting through your fate was placed somewhere between the hands of the gods and the answer that was about to come through the now damp and sweaty earpiece. "Yep, still got that one". Cue much soiling on the floor of the public phone box and a warm glow that lasted all day.





5. FUNKY NASSAU - BAHAMA SOUL STEW (DRIVE)
Got this totally by accident and thanks largely to an un-intended tip off by a fellow scally. A copy had already been sold by the dealer that morning and as a rule, even if they had quantity, they would only ever sell the first one. My pal hadn't bothered to phone after his mate had bragged about getting it so I figured there was nowt to lose. The lord of the manor wasn't around on this particular list day so the normal rules had seemingly gone out of the window - five minutes later this very elusive little beauty was reserved under my moniker. Even better than that, I'd heard this played out but never investigated further, so when the record finally hit my deck it was a pleasant surprise that had the pant drawer being searched for fresh supplies.





6. LEMURIA - HUNK OF HEAVEN (HEAVEN)
I didn't have the £800 I'd heard this went for and I needed both kidneys intact and in my person so the chances of grabbing this gorgeous slab of Hawaiian disco/soul/boogie seemed slim at best. That was until some kind Japanese lad decided to flog his copy on 'The Bay' and around £130 later it was nestling in the box. Virtually unplayed, it was well and truly 'hammered' on the deck at work on its day of arrival and once again, soiled underwear was on the main course.





7. PATTERSON TWINS - GONNA FIND A TRUE LOVE (COMMERCIAL)
Here's one I'd missed on lists on several occasions and yet again, it seemed that this one was destined never to be part of the weaponry until a West Coast diamond known as Nancy decided to offload a spare...for half as much as I'd seen it going out for. Being a sweet thing, she managed to talk a record dealer out of buying it and a few tense weeks later this little beauty was happily finding a new home in Blighty.





8. MARSHALL, DONOVAN, BROOMFIELD - SINCE I FOUND MY BABY (AUGUSTA)
First heard this whilst on a 'research trip' at North London's finest and having made several calls to dealers throughout the land, the general consensus pointed towards a price tag somewhere between £150 and £250. That seemed fair for what was a truly gorgeous tune (even though that old Soul Bowl list had it priced at £10...well, it was in 1998) but whilst folk were more than willing to throw price tags around, actually getting the record was proving tricky. I decided to mail a guy who had helped me out in the past and Lo and behold, the reply came back with "Got that...£50 and it's yours". Having only a vague memory of how the record sounded, the joy was too much to hold onto when it's sweet tones came forth from the speakers and once again, the 'spillage' was plentiful and messy.






9. THE PERFECTIONS - CAN THIS BE REAL (CALGAR)
Something of a backhanded acquisition, this is one of those "It was always a cheap one that got plays back in the 80's but was subsequently forgotten about" type tunes. Being so young, I can happily say that in the early 80's I was innocently skipping through my formative years, totally oblivious to the delights of this particular record. Some 20 years later, the £20 price tag on this seemed like a bargain. As the needle met the groove, the underwear bill was hit hard once again.




10. BLUE RHYTHM COMBO - TAKE THE FUNKY FEELING (CARAVAN)
Having been 'disappointed' by a gentleman a few months previously on a copy of this (at the full £250 wack), I was grinning double when this came home in a very naughty trade. Well, my man figured that my £20 warm up record was worth doing business with, so with sweaty palms and steely nerves a straight swap was done right there. In order to avoid messing up his lovely polished floor, I scarppered to the nearest public conveniences where those fresh cotton undies could be slipped on. Alright, so it's not the Merrydisc issue but it's one of my personal favourites and when the grooves are that tight, who cares what colour the label is?



city you live in?
The Filth (London)

how long you have been collecting?
'Properly'? Not long...6 years ish...seems longer.

most heart stopping find on a digging session?
If you count online auctions as digging then The Black Truth Band on 'the bay'. I got bored of trawling charity shops as a student and digging in the UK always seems a bit false, in the sense that anything that is here has already been 'dug'. 'Turning over the top-soil' would be a more appropriate term? Actually, the funniest was when I found a copy of Tommy Dodson on Main Sound in one of the Record & Tape exchanges in London. I think it was 50p. Got it home and thought 'Oh, its average Northern' and chucked it in a box with no sleeve. About 3 years later one shows on ebay and went for $550!! Needless to say, I searched high and low for the damn thing, found it (still totally mint!) and got $575 on it!!! In the same jaunt I also found the John McCain on Witch's Brew for 50p. There was a guy who had just gone through the same rack of 45's clutching his UK issue James Brown 'Sex machine' 7" like his life depended on it!

top spots for record hunting?
Cyberspace!!! :-) Well, I don't get out much!

ebay. good or evil?
Good and bad. I'm not ashamed to admit that when something that you paid peanuts for goes wild you sit there grinning smugly. It's when you want it and don't have it and it goes wild that you start to complain. True? It's a good place to 'discover' dealers although undoubtedly it has changed the face of record buying (and pricing) both in a negative and positive sense (see above!)

motown or stax?
Never been wild about either really but if I had to choose it would be Motown. The Four Tops ('Baby I Need Your Loving'...'Ask the Lonely'...'Without The One You Love'...their first album is the nuts!)...and Marvin, etc...

sneakers or shoes?
I can be sneaky but I always wear shoes. Clarkes.

creole or gumbo?
Never had either. I love hot stuff though...Jamaican, Mexican, Thai...whatever's spicy and tasty.

favourite tipple?
Guiness. A meal in a pint...or four.

where can people see/hear you play?
Wherever folk decide that they want to book me, I guess.

anything to add?
I'd love to add a copy of The Profascination's - 'Try Love Again' to my box...anyone?